She *actually* appealed J’s case…

I want to say so many nasty, vile things about you… but I’m a better person than that, so I won’t.

I will say that if you think you will EVER have a chance at taking MY SON, you are dead wrong. You may have gave birth to him, but it has been MY FAMILY who has nurtured, loved, cared for and provided for him these past two years. I would never choose a dead-beat, alcoholic, drug addict, child molesting piece of shit over my children. Looks like you did. So sorry, your loss. Kicking him to the curb AFTER the fact doesn’t exactly help your case, so good luck with that. I bet you thought he truly cared. How sad.

The sooner you realize that you are, in-fact, unfit to raise a pet rock, let alone a child, the better off you will be. He will never know you. He will never know him. You have both led the type of lifestyle that takes a considerable amount of time off the end, am I wrong? I will tell him about you someday, and the only thing that I’m willing to give you is actually for his sake. The truth is that you love him. There is no doubt of that in my mind. In that respect I understand why you are fighting so hard.

Let go and know that he is in good hands, that he is loved and cared for and HAPPY.

And just so you know, you aren’t hurting us by doing this. If anything, you are actually helping. We have more time to figure out what’s going on and to get everything in order.

:)

 

I’m returning my award now…

Hunter got hurt on Sunday playing football, one of the bigger kids tackled him pretty hard and he said his shoulder and neck hurt, but it wasn’t too bad so we figured he pulled a muscle. We did the heat and cold packs, and it seemed to help. On Monday night, we noticed that you couldn’t see his collarbone on that side, and that the swelling wasn’t in his neck anymore. So this morning we went to see Dr. B and he did x rays and delivered the news…

Hunter, my child, my sweet Birdie, walked around for TWO WHOLE DAYS with a BROKEN COLLARBONE and I DID NOT KNOW!!!

I’ve never felt worse, really. I had NO idea. I didn’t pay close enough attention. I was too busy with every goddamn other thing going on in this house that I didn’t realize that my child had a broken bone.

He’s really okay, just sore… he’s not in any real pain, only when it’s touched or he forgets and swings his arm around. He’s got a sling that he’s to wear for a month, Dr. B. said a MINIMUM of two weeks if he’s feeling 100% better. I was FREAKING, he kept telling me that it’s not really that big of a deal, that kids are better at handling this kind of stuff, and some people never know their kids have bone fractures.

I still think I should have known. I guess because his bone wasn’t sticking out, or it wasn’t turning purple and causing him severe pain that I thought he just pulled a muscle.

Ugh.

So, this is almost what his x ray looked like… only fractured, not broken in two completely. Had to find a pic online since I didn’t think to bring my camera.

This is Birdie now… playing it up for the camera, because he KNOWS everyone will be calling and fussing over him… he’s such a drama queen! LOL

Really, he’s okay… not hurting, and acting fine… we just have to watch for a fever and make sure he doesn’t play rough for a while.

I, on the other hand, feel like shit, and I should. :(

I’ll be having a little talk with the responsible parties about this.

We keep telling him that he’s going to get hurt playing so rough with the big kids!

I guess this is all a part of being a boy though, but damn!

 

 

Holy (insert catchphrase here), Batman!

I REALLY need to start blogging regularly again. I’m sure you all think I’ve up and died or something. So, shall I just jump right into it?

We spent last weekend in Houston for my baby sister’s 18th birthday. I still can’t get over the fact that I vividly remember Granny taking Mama to the hospital on Halloween night, and David freaking the fuck out because he thought we weren’t going to get to Trick-or-Treat. Our babysitter wound up taking him, for some reason I stayed home… I was too worried and excited to worry about stupid old candy when my baby SISTER would be there soon anyways! So then Granny brings Mama home with Sarah, a tiny, pink, perfect little thing. The first time I held her was just over 18 years ago, and it was one of the best feelings in the world second to holding my own two babies for the first time.  My sister was perfect then, and she’s perfect now. She’s beautiful inside and out, and I’m grateful to be her big sissy. :)

We also got to see Grandma, Cameron, Laurie, Carmen and Ronnie. It was nice. I got pictures of all of the kids in their costumes, and got some REALLY cute ones of Jack and Carmen. They’re on the “company” laptop right now, and I accidentally left the charger for it at Mama’s, so I can’t get them. DAMMIT!

The “company laptop” came from Cameron and Laurie, we’re buying it from him for $200. It’s one of those little bitty ones, and I love it! I’ll be using it for Cantrell Creek business. It’s perfect for showing people their photos right at the shoot instead of printing proofs and waiting two weeks for them to get them in the mail and order.

We still need to get our DBA before we can actually operate under the name though, and that’s close to $200. I’m thinking of asking everyone to donate for christmas :) For that or a tablet to make retouching easier, not sure!

The girls are doing really good, they’re getting big. They’re also full out lesbian rats, which I find hilarious and Hollie finds horrifying. DCon is the aggressor… she flips Orrie over and goes to town, it’s excrutiatingly funny!

In more disturbing news, my children have worms in their asses. Yes, the Wolfe household has been hit with pinworms. Hunter was absolutely MORTIFIED when we found this out. He came to us complaining that his rear was itching and burning, so after a few serious questions I decided that maybe I needed to have a quick look. (He’s eight years old and in pain, I shouldn’t even have to defend this, but you never know what crackhead people will say.) So he bends over and spreads ‘em, and I hold my breath and take a peek… and see a tiny white WORM trying to crawl BACK UP HIS BUTT.

Can you say “Heart Attack”?

Jack has also been itching his butt a lot, so I can almost guarantee that’s what’s going on with him, too. I keep telling Hunter not to run around outside barefooted, that he’s gonna get ringworm or worse, WORMS IN HIS BUTT. Did he listen? No. And now he’s got them creeping out to lay their nasty little wormy eggs in his crack at night, and they itch like crazy. Should’a listened, right?

I shouldn’t really be shocked about this, I don’t know HOW many times I had them as a kid. Hell, I’ve had them in my adult life a few times. Finally learned to wear shoes when I go outside, and to wash my hands after touching other people’s shit.

So we have doctor’s appointments for friday, since they don’t sell the otc shit for it in our area anymore.

I guess that about sums up the goings on around here lately, not much to report.

 

I really need to get on here more often…

Wow, it’s been a while, guys! I guess I’ll just ramble out the goings-on of the last few weeks, in no particular order of when they happened. That’ll learn me not to go so long between posts!!

Okay… since this blog is about my life, I’ll start with me. :)
I have:

• a new mp3 player courtesy of my loving husband
• awesome contacts… bye-bye glasses!! WOOT!!
• PIERCED EARS!!! Can’t wait to shop for earrings now, it’ll be MUCH easier! I still wear my clipons though! They’re too pretty to throw out, and some of them were Marcy’s, so I just CAN’T.
• a portable backdrop stand and a chroma-key green backdrop for our business!!!!!
• a 60 day subscription to World Of Warcraft :D

Now on to Hunter. He is doing good in school, but I can tell that the realization that third grade isn’t all recess and coloring. His math needs some work, and we’re working hard on it. He’s reading like a champ though, and the school has actually pissed me off with the whole reading system they have going. He’s only allowed to check out books with a green sticker (green sticker = third grade reading level) on them from the library. He’s reading way above that, and he’s getting bored. I’m going to send a note I guess asking nicely to please let him check out higher level books. He can do it, he wants to do it, and he should be ABLE to do it.

He is also going to try to con everyone into getting him a Ripstick again. (No hard feelings! He knew better!!) NO NO NO NO NO!!  I love you all, but remember that I have a shovel and Stacey has 40-something acres of deserted land.  :)

On to Jackson. Man, oh man… We have therapy now Mondays and Wednesdays at ETTC, which does Speech, Physical, and Occupational. Then we have behavioral counseling every other Thursday.  Then we have the monthly home visits from Mrs. A, whom I love but can’t wait until she doesn’t have to. It’s all paying off though, in a huge way.

Jack now knows the colors Green, Red, White and Black, he can PUSH THE PETALS ON HIS BIKE WITH HIS FEET!!! WOOT!!, and is starting to learn about cause and effect. (If I push this, it will fall.) He is also catching a ball, walking up and down stairs alone, and drawing faces!!!

He was put on clonidine last month to get him to sleep at night, and it’s worked GREAT!! I still feel shitty for drugging my kid, but I can sleep at night knowing that he’s sleeping at night and not getting into everything or getting hurt.  Dr. F. actually added a half of a pill at naptime to calm him down, because he’s a perfect angel until naptime, but after he wakes up, all hell breaks lose. I don’t know how many times I have to say that Jackson is a three year old, and three year olds throw tantrums… but not to the extent that Monkey does. It also helps with his anxiety, so whatever. I feel guilty, but if it helps, it helps. He takes his pill at night like a little trooper, he swallows it with no problems… and during the day, if he REALLY needs it,  I’ll crush half of one up and put it in some banana slices or peaches or something.

But he’s doing really, really good :)

Settling

This past month has been horrifying, eye-opening, yet wonderful at the same time. My child went completely off the deep end, and we may finaly have a solution. After two solid weeks of pure hell, we finaly found a psychiatrist that will see Jackson. We got him in and he observed the Jack Attack in action. After going over all of our problems, both recent and on-going, my child has a possible diagnosis of the alphabet. ADHD is for sure. PDD is for sure. (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder are two that are likely. He is in the high risk category and is already showing signs of BiPolar Disorder, at THREE years old. I just want to choke the living shit out of his birthparents for even THINKING that it was okay to breed.

Anyways. The doctor first suggested we try Melatonin to help Jackson get to sleep at night, since that is a major, on-going issue that only makes things worse. We tried the melatonin for a week and saw absolutely no improvement, so I let the doctor know and he put him on Clonidine. I want to make something very, very clear for the people who don’t know us and our situation, before things are said about this. I know exactly what Clonidine is. I know how dangerous it can be for children. I was absolutely dead-set against anything like this for so long, but our predicament has gotten to the point that if something is not done, my THREE  YEAR OLD BABY was heading for a psychiatric ward, and I wasn’t far behind him.

I am ALWAYS willing to find alternatives for medication, even with myself. I don’t like taking advil, and will hold out for as long as I can, so putting Jack on a drug that has the potential to KILL him if used improperly is something that I prayed and thought about very long and hard over. Kids get into things, even when it’s locked up in a cabinet. All it takes is ONE time of me leaving it out on the counter or forgetting to latch the cabinet. I am very aware of this. We especially have to watch Jack with this, because he has realized that the medicine he’s on makes him loopy and goofy, and he likes it, so he wants to take it ALL the time.

I really don’t like that. Not one bit… a toddler wanting to get high. YAY, parents of the year here!! LOL

So. Clonidine, very low dose at night before bedtime, and he’s sleeping like an ANGEL! All the way through the night, unless something wakes him up, like it would anyone else. He’s not waking up for every tiny noise or light variation. He is still getting up super early, but that I can deal with. He is staying in his bed most mornings, we’ve only had one morning in two weeks that he’s gotten up before anyone else and got into something, and he didn’t even make a mess. WOOT! His behavior has changed ten-fold, also. We all figured he was this way because he was so tired, but actually seeing the change has been amazing. He’s gone from literaly screaming for hours on end, fighting me over every tiny request, demand, suggestion, and just being miserable to being a normal, happy little kiddo. We still have some issues with the defiance that we need to work on, but things are SO much better!

You all have to remember that it’s not that Jack DOES these things, like throwing fits or throwing things or being defiant… it’s HOW he does it. The extreme mood swings are more than what a toddler normally has. The tantrums are severe every time, over nothing, and start out of nowhere. He is giddy one second and raging the next with no trigger. He can’t sit still, ever. I’m not even exaggerating a little bit. He has absolutely no impulse control. He sees it and goes after it. He got stung by a wasp last week because he just HAD to pick it up after being told 10 times NOT to touch it, that it would hurt him. He chugs drinks and wolfs food like he’s never going to see another bite. He screeches when he’s excited and can’t be calmed down. He hits when he’s excited and can’t be calmed down without a tantrum. He purposly irritates people, mainly me. Kids irritate the SHIT out of their parents all the time, but again, it’s HOW he does it. He will follow me around the house, making this awful screeching/baby alligator cry sound after I ask him to do something. It doens’t matter how long I ignore him, how many times I get up and move, it progresses until he gets a reaction. Then he screams and hits and bites himself, me, the dogs, whoever’s around and after he’s done freaking, he starts following me around doing the noise all over again. It goes on all day, every day. THEN we have days where he’s perfectly calm, and good, and plays with his toys and talks and is a joy to be around. It flops back and forth. The clonidine at night has knocked out the really bad stuff, now we just have to work on the little stuff that still impairs him to some degree.

I really am proud of him, and happy we got this sorted out. We went to Applebee’s for dinner this weekend. Normally that involves us taking turns sitting outside with him during dinner because he’s gone bat-shit crazy over god-knows-what. It’s stressful and irritating and no fun at all. This time the kiddo sat there, colored while we waited for our food, and ate without a hassle. I only had to get on to him once, and I don’t even remember what it was for, but it was NORMAL. We ate, we laughed, we joked, we even had desert, and no one had to go sit outside and deal with stares and glares and people laughing at us or telling us what bad parents we are.

It was perfect. :)

Therapy tonight… Thank God.

It’s Thursday again, and therapy is at 5pm. On days like this I wish that we had it twice a day. Jackson is completely out of control, and I just don’t know what to do. He literally goes from giggling and laughing to turning purple from screaming so hard and loud over NOTHING. This morning when I got up I caught him smearing shit on the couch in the living room. When he saw me, he took off running down the hallway and screaming with all the power his little lungs could muster. When he got to his bedroom door, he turned around and told me I couldn’t go in his room, that it was HIS room. He pushed me and hit me as I opened his door, and now I wish that I hadn’t.

He had shit smeared on his walls, his bed and his toys. He had gotten into the bananas and had chewed them up, skin and all, and spit them out all over his floor. He had peed on his clothes, his bed and his floor. His bed was halfway off the frame again. My child had been having a good old time, and apparently I ruined it for him. He pushed me out of his room and tried to shut the door on me, so I grabbed him and put him on the clean couch. (I thought it was clean, but I was mistaken.) He immediatly tore the cushions off and I saw the food he had stashed under them. He shoved the food in his mouth and then spit it all out on the floor and started screaming hysterically again.

I started to have him help me clean everything up, but he was out of it, and I just can’t sit there with shit smeared all over the fucking house.  I did have him help me clean up all the food, but he kept eating it and smearing it more, so I just got it all up. Now he’s sitting on the couch screaming that he’s hungry, thirsty, needs to pee, wants to play in his room, where’s daddy, he wants to watch cartoons, and when I don’t answer he hits himself and screams that I’m hurting him.

5 o’clock can’t get here fucking fast enough.

Playtime!

 

 

This is Orrie’s playtime. Connie was sleeping soundly and let me know that she did NOT want to be disturbed. She’s usually the more eager one, wanting to be held and petted, with Orrie being the quiet, “OMG HUMAN DON’T TOUCH ME!” sister. :)

You won’t see any pictures of Hollie holding either of the ratties, ever, ever EVER. He’s not happy AT ALL about them even being here, he doesn’t like them,

he doesn’t want to look at them, hear them, or be aware of their existence. But we love them!

MY NEW BABIES!!!!

Let me introduce you to the two sweetest little girls on the earth, Ortho and D-Con. (Orrie and Connie)

Orrie is on the left, Connie is on the right.

Mama, you’re fuckin’ awesome, and I owe you BIG time for this! lol…
I’ve been wanting a rat for YEARS. It killed me to give up Chemo and Keegan, and I’ve always missed them. Now I’ve got two sweet little girls to love and play with!

They’re so funny, everytime I pet them or touch them, they immediately start cleaning themselves, like “EEEW! I’ve got people germs on me!”

I made them a temporary bed out of a coffee can and some batting, and they seem to enjoy it because they went right in and started cleaning eachother and passed out cold. Next week I’m going to get them a big cage with the works, tunnels, a wheel, toys and I’m going to make them a hammok to lay in. Can’t wait to get everything all set up and going for them!

*sigh*

How does he go from this:

to this, so fast?

*sigh*

In case you can’t read my little note on that last one, it says “He pooped in here!” because he DID.

He was upset because he wanted pancakes from the freezer, and he didn’t get that he WAS eating the pancakes from the freezer, they were just warmed up. I even made him a second plate, and showed him that they WERE the pancakes from the freezer. Normal three year old stuff, really. That stuff is nothing to deal with… but then he THREW the plate at me and screamed I HATE THOSE PANCAKES! I WANT IT IN COLDER! (was he saying he wanted them frozen??) and slapped me right in the face and knocked my glasses off.

So, for screaming and hitting at me and throwing his plate of food, he got sent to his room. This obviously didn’t make him happy, because I hear all this banging and slamming going on, and I figure he’s kicking his walls and throwing toys, so I ignored  it. When I check on him TWO MINUTES LATER, he’s naked and sitting on that little yellow hat you see in the picture, pooping. He never once said he had to go, and when I told him to go sit on the potty, he threw another fit and said that he didn’t want to, and pulled his mattress completely off his bed. I had to literally lay on him on the floor for 15 minutes until he calmed down, and he just stopped. There wasn’t a single tear in his eyes, and he started laughing and telling me that he wanted pancakes.

I had a moment of my own after all of that, and decided that the only person in the world who could make me feel better was my mama, so I called her and she got me calmed down and laughing and feeling better. I love my mama :)

Jack ATTACKED…

Well, now we have a COMPLETELY valid reason to call Jackson “The Jack Attack”. I had a doctor’s appointment this morning to follow up on my new medication, and Jackson was less than thrilled with the idea of being in public today. We went to the wrong office, and while waiting for the lady to tell me where to go, Jackson decided that he wanted to climb up on some poor sick old woman’s lap. He yanked himself out of my grasp, and proceeded to trample this poor woman. When I grabbed him and started apologizing to her, he BIT me and started growling like a freakin’ dog. So, in a room full of people, I drug him outside and he threw a tantrum so bad that they asked me if we wanted a therapist to come out and see him. I declined at that moment, but told them I might be back after my appointment was over.

So, waiting in the proper office, he decided to just throw down again and smack Hunter in the head with his toy. So outside we went again, after telling the nurse where we’d be if my name was called. An old man walked by and told me that if I were a better mother, I could control my child. I just grinned and told him that if he thought he could calm him down, then have-at. Fuck him.

Jack calms down enough to go back inside, and in the exam room, he AGAIN decides that he’s not happy, and bites me again and starts wildly swinging at me and pushing me. The doctor came in, and it must have been a sight… my youngest child beating the crap out of me, my oldest child wide-eyed and trying to disappear into a corner, and me, smiling like a fool, staring off into space.

“Celexa been working for you?”

“At first, yeah, it’s wearing off though. Not making me so sleepy anymore, but now I can’t sleep at night.”

“This kind of thing happen often?” (pointing to Jackson)

“Few times a day, it’s never been this bad though, he hasn’t hit me in a long time. The biting thing is back, too.”

“Any major changes? A move, new school, new schedule?”

“Nope, nothing’s changed except me not getting upset when he does it, which just pisses him off more.”

“I can see that. Jackson, stop please.” (he puts his finger over Jack’s mouth to quiet him. Jack bites the SHIT out of doctor’s finger, falls to the floor and starts growling and barking and trying to scratch everyone. Hunter is horrified, and so am I.)

“Oh my god! Are you okay?? I’m so sorry, he’s never-”

“It’s okay, happens more than you think… he doesn’t have anything that I should worry about, does he?”

“No sir. My god, I can’t believe he did that, I’m so -”

“Really, it’s okay. Let’s up your Celexa, and I’ll write you a scrip for Rozerem. It will help you sleep, but won’t knock you out . Have you considered therapy?”

“He’s in therapy already-”

“I meant for you, this is a lot for you to have to manage. I also want you to lose 5 pounds by the time you come back next month.”

” … “

“I want to see how easy or hard it is for you to lose weight. Give it an honest try. If you’re having a real problem with  it, we’ll work on that next time, too. Heavy exercise, eat right, chase the kids around the park. That’ll knock his little ass out, too.”

” … “

“Alright then, we’re done! Pick up the scripts from the front desk. See you in a month?”

“Yeah…”

“Alright then. 5 pounds, I mean it.”

“Yes sir…”

And we left.

And immediately went to see Jack’s therapist. He wasn’t in, but the secretary, god love her, gave me Robert’s number and told me to come in next Thursday. Luckily (I think… lol) Jackson threw yet ANOTHER tantrum in her office, so she got to see one with the scratching and biting and shoving and that freakin’ monkey sound he makes. She just sighed and said that she’d tell Robert to call me tonight so we can talk and see about some more aggressive treatment.

God, I love my baby, but I feel like I’m losing him in a way. He’s getting worse, and there is NO reason for it. We have all figured out that me not being so stressed out has been a HUGE trigger for him. It sounds silly and ridiculous, but we can’t ALL be wrong. If I raise my voice and get stressed, the tantrums aren’t so bad. It’s like he enjoys the stress level. If I handle it quietly and calmly and keep myself composed and happy, he fucking LOSES it. Now we need to know why. I need my baby back.