I feel like I’ve completed a right of passage…

I’m slowly coming out of a morphine/phenergan slur… (my first experience EVER with morphine… WOW) I am having severe pain in my right side, they did ultrasound/bloodwork at the ER, all came back normal so got referred to a gastro-something-or-other doctor and a slew of pills to make me stop puking/hurting. Gonna go sleep. Thank god for my awesome mother-in-law who lives close enough to come rescue me from my children for the night, and also for my husband who called in today to make me go in to get seen.

Jack ATTACKED…

Well, now we have a COMPLETELY valid reason to call Jackson “The Jack Attack”. I had a doctor’s appointment this morning to follow up on my new medication, and Jackson was less than thrilled with the idea of being in public today. We went to the wrong office, and while waiting for the lady to tell me where to go, Jackson decided that he wanted to climb up on some poor sick old woman’s lap. He yanked himself out of my grasp, and proceeded to trample this poor woman. When I grabbed him and started apologizing to her, he BIT me and started growling like a freakin’ dog. So, in a room full of people, I drug him outside and he threw a tantrum so bad that they asked me if we wanted a therapist to come out and see him. I declined at that moment, but told them I might be back after my appointment was over.

So, waiting in the proper office, he decided to just throw down again and smack Hunter in the head with his toy. So outside we went again, after telling the nurse where we’d be if my name was called. An old man walked by and told me that if I were a better mother, I could control my child. I just grinned and told him that if he thought he could calm him down, then have-at. Fuck him.

Jack calms down enough to go back inside, and in the exam room, he AGAIN decides that he’s not happy, and bites me again and starts wildly swinging at me and pushing me. The doctor came in, and it must have been a sight… my youngest child beating the crap out of me, my oldest child wide-eyed and trying to disappear into a corner, and me, smiling like a fool, staring off into space.

“Celexa been working for you?”

“At first, yeah, it’s wearing off though. Not making me so sleepy anymore, but now I can’t sleep at night.”

“This kind of thing happen often?” (pointing to Jackson)

“Few times a day, it’s never been this bad though, he hasn’t hit me in a long time. The biting thing is back, too.”

“Any major changes? A move, new school, new schedule?”

“Nope, nothing’s changed except me not getting upset when he does it, which just pisses him off more.”

“I can see that. Jackson, stop please.” (he puts his finger over Jack’s mouth to quiet him. Jack bites the SHIT out of doctor’s finger, falls to the floor and starts growling and barking and trying to scratch everyone. Hunter is horrified, and so am I.)

“Oh my god! Are you okay?? I’m so sorry, he’s never-”

“It’s okay, happens more than you think… he doesn’t have anything that I should worry about, does he?”

“No sir. My god, I can’t believe he did that, I’m so -”

“Really, it’s okay. Let’s up your Celexa, and I’ll write you a scrip for Rozerem. It will help you sleep, but won’t knock you out . Have you considered therapy?”

“He’s in therapy already-”

“I meant for you, this is a lot for you to have to manage. I also want you to lose 5 pounds by the time you come back next month.”

” … “

“I want to see how easy or hard it is for you to lose weight. Give it an honest try. If you’re having a real problem with  it, we’ll work on that next time, too. Heavy exercise, eat right, chase the kids around the park. That’ll knock his little ass out, too.”

” … “

“Alright then, we’re done! Pick up the scripts from the front desk. See you in a month?”

“Yeah…”

“Alright then. 5 pounds, I mean it.”

“Yes sir…”

And we left.

And immediately went to see Jack’s therapist. He wasn’t in, but the secretary, god love her, gave me Robert’s number and told me to come in next Thursday. Luckily (I think… lol) Jackson threw yet ANOTHER tantrum in her office, so she got to see one with the scratching and biting and shoving and that freakin’ monkey sound he makes. She just sighed and said that she’d tell Robert to call me tonight so we can talk and see about some more aggressive treatment.

God, I love my baby, but I feel like I’m losing him in a way. He’s getting worse, and there is NO reason for it. We have all figured out that me not being so stressed out has been a HUGE trigger for him. It sounds silly and ridiculous, but we can’t ALL be wrong. If I raise my voice and get stressed, the tantrums aren’t so bad. It’s like he enjoys the stress level. If I handle it quietly and calmly and keep myself composed and happy, he fucking LOSES it. Now we need to know why. I need my baby back.