Settling
This past month has been horrifying, eye-opening, yet wonderful at the same time. My child went completely off the deep end, and we may finaly have a solution. After two solid weeks of pure hell, we finaly found a psychiatrist that will see Jackson. We got him in and he observed the Jack Attack in action. After going over all of our problems, both recent and on-going, my child has a possible diagnosis of the alphabet. ADHD is for sure. PDD is for sure. (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder are two that are likely. He is in the high risk category and is already showing signs of BiPolar Disorder, at THREE years old. I just want to choke the living shit out of his birthparents for even THINKING that it was okay to breed.
Anyways. The doctor first suggested we try Melatonin to help Jackson get to sleep at night, since that is a major, on-going issue that only makes things worse. We tried the melatonin for a week and saw absolutely no improvement, so I let the doctor know and he put him on Clonidine. I want to make something very, very clear for the people who don’t know us and our situation, before things are said about this. I know exactly what Clonidine is. I know how dangerous it can be for children. I was absolutely dead-set against anything like this for so long, but our predicament has gotten to the point that if something is not done, my THREE YEAR OLD BABY was heading for a psychiatric ward, and I wasn’t far behind him.
I am ALWAYS willing to find alternatives for medication, even with myself. I don’t like taking advil, and will hold out for as long as I can, so putting Jack on a drug that has the potential to KILL him if used improperly is something that I prayed and thought about very long and hard over. Kids get into things, even when it’s locked up in a cabinet. All it takes is ONE time of me leaving it out on the counter or forgetting to latch the cabinet. I am very aware of this. We especially have to watch Jack with this, because he has realized that the medicine he’s on makes him loopy and goofy, and he likes it, so he wants to take it ALL the time.
I really don’t like that. Not one bit… a toddler wanting to get high. YAY, parents of the year here!! LOL
So. Clonidine, very low dose at night before bedtime, and he’s sleeping like an ANGEL! All the way through the night, unless something wakes him up, like it would anyone else. He’s not waking up for every tiny noise or light variation. He is still getting up super early, but that I can deal with. He is staying in his bed most mornings, we’ve only had one morning in two weeks that he’s gotten up before anyone else and got into something, and he didn’t even make a mess. WOOT! His behavior has changed ten-fold, also. We all figured he was this way because he was so tired, but actually seeing the change has been amazing. He’s gone from literaly screaming for hours on end, fighting me over every tiny request, demand, suggestion, and just being miserable to being a normal, happy little kiddo. We still have some issues with the defiance that we need to work on, but things are SO much better!
You all have to remember that it’s not that Jack DOES these things, like throwing fits or throwing things or being defiant… it’s HOW he does it. The extreme mood swings are more than what a toddler normally has. The tantrums are severe every time, over nothing, and start out of nowhere. He is giddy one second and raging the next with no trigger. He can’t sit still, ever. I’m not even exaggerating a little bit. He has absolutely no impulse control. He sees it and goes after it. He got stung by a wasp last week because he just HAD to pick it up after being told 10 times NOT to touch it, that it would hurt him. He chugs drinks and wolfs food like he’s never going to see another bite. He screeches when he’s excited and can’t be calmed down. He hits when he’s excited and can’t be calmed down without a tantrum. He purposly irritates people, mainly me. Kids irritate the SHIT out of their parents all the time, but again, it’s HOW he does it. He will follow me around the house, making this awful screeching/baby alligator cry sound after I ask him to do something. It doens’t matter how long I ignore him, how many times I get up and move, it progresses until he gets a reaction. Then he screams and hits and bites himself, me, the dogs, whoever’s around and after he’s done freaking, he starts following me around doing the noise all over again. It goes on all day, every day. THEN we have days where he’s perfectly calm, and good, and plays with his toys and talks and is a joy to be around. It flops back and forth. The clonidine at night has knocked out the really bad stuff, now we just have to work on the little stuff that still impairs him to some degree.
I really am proud of him, and happy we got this sorted out. We went to Applebee’s for dinner this weekend. Normally that involves us taking turns sitting outside with him during dinner because he’s gone bat-shit crazy over god-knows-what. It’s stressful and irritating and no fun at all. This time the kiddo sat there, colored while we waited for our food, and ate without a hassle. I only had to get on to him once, and I don’t even remember what it was for, but it was NORMAL. We ate, we laughed, we joked, we even had desert, and no one had to go sit outside and deal with stares and glares and people laughing at us or telling us what bad parents we are.
It was perfect. :)
The Jury is In
Today, at 6:54pm, we got the news that we’ve been waiting to get for over a year now… that BOTH of Jackson’s biological parent’s rights were terminated, and that we can now start the adoption process! I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers about this case, because I believe they helped.
So, I introduce JACKSON RILEY WOLFE. Or it will be, when his birth certificate is re-issued. :)
Jackson Wolfe, May 13, 2009
Things are very stressful and hectic right now with court going on. I can’t talk about the case or what is happening in the courtroom, but it’s insanely funny and just plain fucked up at the same time. I’m glad that I’m 27 and going through this, and not 15.
I am in a better place emotionally than I was twelve years ago, that’s for sure. I would not have been able to do what I did if I wasn’t. I just have to keep telling myself that it is for Jack. I have to be brave and strong and stable and put aside my feelings of disgust and resentment and anger and hurt. I have to stop letting the pain come back in, and I’ll be honest about it… I’m having a hard time.
I just want to say first, that I’m okay. I’ll be okay. I just need to vent a little bit, and get some of it out. So, if you don’t feel like reading any further, hit your back button and find something else to read. If you want to keep reading, click ‘more’. (more…)
Wow, what a day!
I knew last night was too good to be true.
Hunter was having issues with dinner, (an EXCELLENT Lasagna that Kathy made and sent over to us… YUM! And I don’t like lasagna!!) and anyways, we sent him to be early over it. He just flat out refused, so whatever. So Hunter got ready and we put him in bed, and Jack decided that he needed to go to bed too. He kissed us goodnight, got ready for bed BY HIMSELF, and climbed under the covers next to Hunter. It took a while for him to actually go to sleep, because I don’t think he realized that he was actually going to bed. I think he was just copying Hunter, because that’s the ‘in’ thing to do these days.
So once he realized that he had to really go to bed, he was less than thrilled. It only took an hour for him to pass out though, and he slept ALL THE WAY through the night. It’s 7:39am now, and he’s still asleep.
But my day is going to be one of those days, and this is why…
I woke up at 6:48 this morning. Hunter’s bus comes at 6:40. I had to get him up, get him dressed, and get him to school. And it’s fucking COLD outside. Then I get home, and poor Hollie’s ass is falling out. We’re all still torn up from whatever evil bug got hold of us on New Year’s, but he seems to have gotten the worst of it over time. We go in the kitchen to find some Immodium so that he doesn’t shit his pants on the way to work, and somehow the fabric softener that I bought yesterday has fallen off of the counter and every single drop of it is on my floor. I’ve thrown a towel over it to soak it up, and I’ll have to go outside later and rinse it off. I’m concerned about that much softener in my washer. That’s gonna be one soft fucking towel, though, I can tell you that!
So yeah. That’s been my morning so far. And I still have my Monday PODA:
Vacuum
Laundry (whites)
Dusting
Kitchen Rescue
Trash out by the curb
Plus the daily dishes, picking up toys, and anything else that needs to be done.
Ugh.
Sensory Integration Dysfunction
‘WTF?!?!’ was my initial reaction to hearing the OT say those words. All that was running through my head was that sensory stuff is usually associated with autism, and oh shit, that woman said that Jack is so much like her autistic sons the other night, and fuck, here we go, I was wrong. I’ve never thought that Jack neccesarily had autism, but I’ve seen behavior that I’ve associated autism with. He makes wonderful eye contact, and I’ve never seen him rocking, spinning, or noticed him stimming. There have always been little things that remind me of an autistic child, though, but nothing to cause me to go into hysterics over.
Anyways, the evaluating therapist gave us some little blue ankle weights to try out until our appointment on the 23rd. She explained that sometimes these children are calmed by the pressure created. I don’t understand exactly how it all works, but apparently it does, because we’ve put them on every two hours for fifteen minutes as she said, and Jack has been a completely different child today. He’s had days like this before, but they are rare. He is actually playing with his toys, not just throwing, banging, or touching them, and he’ll even sit down with a toy for more than 10 seconds! If you think I’m exaggerating the time, ask someone who has seen the Jack-Attack. Two minutes is a record, I think, for the longest any toy has completely held his attention. He sat on the couch today and watched his favorite show in the WHOLE world, only getting up twice, and that was to follow me in the bathroom. Oh, I’m no longer allowed to go by myself. The potty might eat my butt or something, because he has to keep an eye on me AND the potty. This has been going on for a week now. Silly kids. :P
But after his show ended, he did not scream for fifteen minutes for me to play it again. He grabbed a book and sat on the floor and read it to himself. (I’m not allowed to read to him anymore, either, I suck now.) After he was done reading his book, we played tickles, I stacked pillows on the floor and he plowed into them, then we ate lunch. The whole day has pretty much been like that. Now he’s tired, and is cranky because I didn’t even attempt to lay him down for a nap (he won’t sleep anyways) and he played straight through the day.
I don’t know if it’s the weights, or if he’s just having a really, really, REALLY good day, but I love it. I’ve actually been able to interact with him today without a single tantrum. We had issues with him not wanting to put his spoon down and take little bites with breakfast, but once that was out of the way, he was fine! Nothing more than a minute of whining here and there instead of full blown fits for thirty minutes at a time!
I can’t wait until we get to try that weighted blanket. Maybe it will help him sleep and make it harder for every tiny noise to wake him up at night. I’m so glad that we know what is causing these behaviors, and we’ll be learning how to deal with them and try to make things easier for him, too. I don’t know if this is something that can be cured, or outgrown, or what… I only just heard of it yesterday. If you’re a parent of a kid with a disorder like this, feel free to leave me a comment. I have a lot to learn I guess.
Oh! And Chris will only be coming out once a month for speech, Jack is doing so well with swallowing and everything that she doesnt think that there is anymore she can teach me. When he gets his next swallow study done we will go over the results, and if she needs to come in more, she will. If he’s doing okay and can go back on solids, as sad as we will all be, he won’t need to see her anymore. So wish us luck!!! WEWT for Jack for doing so good! :D
Ike hit hard…(UPDATED)
****Grandma got her power back on yesterday afternoon! Yay! There is still going to be a huge gas shortage, but she’s got everything she needs.
Mama still doesn’t have lights, but Harrold brought them a bunch of gas so they can run the generator and leave if they want. I told her that if it gets too bad to come on up here and stay with us, and she promised she would if it got to be too much.
Granny still doesn’t have lights, but they also have everything they need. I told her too, that if she needs to come up here, I’ll go get her. She said they can go over to Uncle Greg’s though, so I’m not worried about her so much. They’ll take care of Aunt Wanda, Poppie, and Granny.
Stacey is still out of lights and water, but they’re staying with David (Caleb’s dad) until everything gets fixed. They’re okay too.
And of course, we’re fine :) Our phone is finally on for good now, so if you need to call me and couldn’t get in touch with me, try again!****
wow, was that a storm! I’m still reeling from the reports that are coming in about the coastal cities, and from Houston. Jack has a dr.’s appointment in downtown Houston on thursday that we obviously won’t be making, and also a visitation with his bio-parents that is off. Unless they want to come up here for it.
We made it all the way through the storm with power, and they got it back on that night. Kathy wasn’t so lucky, one of the two gigantic trees next to her house fell and took out the drop to her house, but thankfully didn’t damage the house or Ronnie’s shop. Cameron and Laurie wound up driving up to ride out the storm, which was a smart move on their part. We’re trying to talk Grandma into coming up and staying with us until her lights get turned back on, which they are saying could take WEEKS to do. Hunter was watching t.v. with us and when they showed T.C Jester and Durham, he started yelling ‘That’s where Grandma is!’ and got worried, because it was all underwater. Grandma doesn’t have any water in the house, but she DOES have running water. Cameron and Laurie are on thier way down there right now (They left at 3am to be back early enough) taking everyone in the family has fresh water, bread, batteries and whatever else they need.
As far as I know, my mom is okay. I talked to her after the brunt of the storm passed, and she said they were okay. Granny was okay when i talked to her last, but that hasn’t been since Ike passed over them. I haven’t been able to get in touch with Stacey, but she may be down in pasadena getting her cousins out. The last we heard from J.C, (caleb’s best friend) he was heading to Galveston to surf. Stupid motherfucker! We’re obviously hoping for the best, but we really don’t know. Melissa made it through with the kids, and I’m asuming mom and dad K. are okay, or she would have said something.
I’ve got to get going. I’ve got Carmen this morning, and I can’t feed one kid without feeding the other… Jack and Carmen BOTH are very, um, territorial about food haha… so they’ve both got milk until Kathy gets here to pick up the baby, then they can both eat seperately and safely :P
But we’re fine, so don’t worry about us! If you need somewhere to stay, just give me a call, okay? We’ve got the room, and Hollie was out until 10 the two past nights making sure we had cable :( Poor guy, he’s worked his ass off… I feel horrible for the power company’s employees!
I’ll update when I get more info on everyone.
They like me! They really like me!
Haha… not really, if what I suspect is happening is really happening.
If you’re going to google my name, you should do it right. My middle name has an ‘e’ on the end, too.
It’s Rach-a-e-l. Kinda like Michael, but with a ‘ra‘ before the ‘chael’.
I’m in the process of tagging each and every post (yeah, that’s a tall order, I’ve got five years worth of posts to tag…) to make your browsing experience easier. I used to have this blog hosted at Blogspot.com, but it was under a different name, and is no longer available. I was a little upset that they wouldn’t transfer the first year of posts over to wordpress but I wasn’t really keeping up with it anyways. Damn restrictions!
I am seriously considering buying a .com address, that I’ll transfer my blog over to. I’ll also be able to host my artwork, writing, photography and crafty stuffs there, too. I’m just not sure about the monthly fee thing. Its only around 7$ a month, but still. I’ll have to talk to Hollie about it.
But whatever. To whoever keeps searching google for me, leave me a comment so I know who to say hi to! I’ll clean up the backlogs for you so that whatever you’re searching for will be easier to find.
*smooches*
Watch out, its a Jack Attack!
Things have been CRAZY the past week or two, but we’re smoothing it all out nicely. :)
The best thing about my week, though? When the caseworker asked if we’d be changing Jack’s name when we adopted him, and we explained to her that when I was pregnant with Hunter, I wanted to name him Jack Ryan, but we decided on Hunter Alexander instead, and were saving Jack Ryan for our next boy. How awesome is that? I still get chills everytime I think about it! I told her that he would have our last name instead of Hatadis, but otherwise he’d still be the Jack Attack that we wanted! Her eyes got huge, it was hilarious… most people don’t believe us! The second best thing was reading that the ‘accusations’ against my father were substantiated *****
- To support with proof or evidence; verify: substantiate an accusation. See Synonyms at confirm.
-
- To give material form to; embody.
- To make firm or solid.
- To give substance to; make real or actual.*****
and reading the report where he admitted what he did to me. I asked her for a copy of it to frame and put on my wall, and she laughed, but I was completely serious!!!
I can’t believe that he has been home for nearly three months! Every day is something new with him! We are having many more good days than bad now, and I think it’s that he’s starting to realize that he’s not going to be carted off back to Foster Mom’s house. He has finally quit crying for her when he’s hurt or scared or mad, and instead screams for his Daddy to save him from ‘mad-mommy’ lol!
We are just all so amazed at how far he’s come in just a little time. When we first got him, his vocabulary was roughly as follows: Dog, Car, Bye-Bye, Mine! and No!, I got it!, eh-go? (where’d it go?), and Duh-duh. We still don’t know what that means.
Now, though? He says everyone’s names, Mamma, Daddy, Hunnew (Hunter) Mamaw, Papaw, Sassy, Jake, Ma-Manna (Amanda) Tatee (Stacey), Hope, Fayth, Nelnel (Danielle), ‘Leb (Caleb, haha!), those are just a few…
He also says big truck, Daddy at work, ‘Hunnew a coo! (Hunter’s at school!) outside, go car, please, thank you, up, down, drink, eat, food, hot, cold, play, chair, couch, toy, yours, phone, can, t.v, and this one cracks me up…. Hyena! We have to be careful about what we say, because he WILL parrot it right back to you. At a resturaunt, his grandma said ‘That was some damned good food!’ to someone, and Jack piped right up with ‘Damn good food!’ and cracked Hunter up big time.
I’ve also noticed that he has one arm that he holds closer to his body when he runs, but his gait is much better than it was. He seems to be noticing where he’s going more, and not trying to just plow over things on the floor all the time. I was scared to death when he first came, he was falling constantly and always had a bruise from hitting something on his body somewhere! He still gets hurt, but it’s less frequent now, and his scraped knees are from being a little boy and not from him not walking right.
I’m just so glad he’s here and doing so well, even with the therapy being delayed until they get all their stuff straightened out. (not sure what’s going on there, something to do with medicaid, I think.) I was so afraid that he would lose everything he had gained from therapy. He has had a slip on his swallowing and muscle control while eating, but we are on top of that, and have a therapist scheduled to come as soon as they can send one. He can’t eat baby food and pediasure forever, this kid needs to learn how to eat! The poor kid, nobody can eat in front of him, he loses it and we feel horrible… I know that crap in a jar tastes about how it looks, I wouldn’t want to eat it either! I just hope that we can get him back to eating regular food, he’s miserable.
But enough about the medical crap. Hunter has finally come around, and Jack is his baby brother now! :) They play and wrestle and run through the house constantly, it’s nice to see it. Hunter is learning what being a big brother is all about, also… we were driving home from Navasota and Jack started hitting Hunter and pulling his hair. After we got onto him about it, he did it again… Hunter finally had had enough of it and hit him back… Jack would cry for a second and then smack the hell out of Hunter, and this went back and forth for miles, until Jack got tired of being hit back. It’s been almost three months of time-outs and toys being taken away for hitting, and nothing has helped… until he got hit back by the person he was being mean to!
I guess that’s one of those hard lessons. We tried everything, but in the end he needed to see what it felt like to be hit to understand why he shouldn’t do it. We still have problems with him hitting, but you can see it in his face… he stops and thinks it over before he hits, and he tries to steer clear of Hunter. :P
Enough typing, here’s the picspam!
